Final Thoughts of Saavik’s Father
by Kerjen
Summary: Saavik's Vulcan father struggles on Hellguard to deal with what has happened to him, how he will never see home or his wife again, and the one thing the Romulans can't take from him.


_inspired by and using some lyrics from "No Way Out" by Phil Collins_

* * *

Everywhere I turn, I see hurt.  
The hurt they have caused  
The ...hurt I have done.  
I cannot hide it  
And I pray for the guidance to take away the pain.

Pray...

Have you been to the temple of Amonak?  
As a boy, I stepped in my grandfather's footsteps as I followed him there.  
My print so small in his.  
And his wrapping mine in security.  
I thought him indestructible.

This place has taught me that no son of Vulcan is indestructible.  
And I mourn for that loss of innocence  
as I banish the thought of my strong grandfather here.

There's no way out of this dark place.  
No promise, no future.  
I know I cannot be free,  
But I cannot see another way.

I was engineer on our ship.  
Did I fail in my duty in some way?  
Tell me if it was so.  
What failure led to our capture?  
What made us the prisoners of our Cousins?

How arrogantly they inform us of our kinship.  
How proudly they declare themselves above the teachings of Surak.  
This place and these actions: the gallant offspring of their refusal to denounce violence.  
For this, they left Vulcan.  
For this, they take pride.

_Offspring..._

My wife, my betrothed...  
_My T'Pren_  
...was originally meant for service on our ship.  
Her reassignment - I once thought it unfortunate.  
Now it is my one bright thought.  
She will not be a captive on this colony, this Hellguard.  
Our _Cousins_ will not have her.

_My wife, my betrothed, I have failed you most of all._  
_It is no excuse that they used... the Fires against me._  
_It should not have been this way._  
_I have learned _  
_that in the storm of the Time of Mating_  
_the bond is the shelter._

_It was meant to be you._  
_Our bond would have sheltered us._

_A Vulcan's heart. A Vulcan's soul._  
_You are mine._

_Not... her._  
_No shelter, no heart's mate._  
_She was the storm._  
_And that I broke and thought of you–_  
–_that she of all people saw you_  
–_and showed me that I betrayed her mate with her._

_Could I have not been spared that?_

_The child..._  
_I have seen her._  
_She is their triumph._  
_And my failure_  
_as they remind me._

_If she had been yours..._  
_But that will never be._

I cannot believe the words I hear.  
You hold that I am to be forgiven?  
To say we are not the ones responsible...  
But the ones who were wronged.

That _she_ would forgive me?

My friends...  
You have given me the strength to see  
just where my journey ends.

I see the path from this dark place.  
I see my future.

Your forgiveness has set me free.

Our cousins will see what is indestructible  
in the children of Vulcan.  
Do they believe their Final Honor originated with them?

No.  
It is ancient.  
It is Vulcan.  
And I am its son.

Who I am  
They cannot take from me.  
They have stolen my life  
but I can choose my death.

It will not be by their hands  
Or by their will.

I am not without a weapon.  
A child of the Forge knows the power of the sun.  
And a student of Surak knows the power of Will.

I will match his teachings against those who refuse them.  
It will be my one victory.  
It and my refusal to allow more dishonor   
by their pride in their atrocities.

Your offer  
to bear my Katra.

I am honored.

We both are aware  
It will not see Home.  
As I will never see it again.

_Never see again the rising sun on the desert_  
_or the beauty of the city._  
_Never see the welcoming stars with all their mysteries _  
_that led me to this life._  
_Never stand at my marriage place_  
_and take the vows that would make me T'Pren's._

Your attempts to escape...  
If they succeed, tell my family...  
tell _her... _  
My last thoughts are for them.  
That I would be with them  
for no one or no thing is more precious to me.

May they still hold me as close.

I do not mourn my death.  
I mourn the life–  
– the life of a husband  
– the life of a father  
that they have taken by force  
and given to the Romulan.

The life of a son and brother  
taken from my family.  
The friend I was to those at home  
and all of you.  
The life of discovery.

I have one last mystery  
to explore.

_My footprints in the sand as I go out under the sun..._  
_So like my grandfather's._


End file.
